86 Funny Monday Jokes To Kick Start Your Week

Regarding the worst day of the week, Monday is right up there. Monday is the first day back at work for most and something many people dread when Sunday night comes around. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do about Monday, as it comes every week, every month, every year. When your alarm hits Monday morning and you realize it’s another new week, it can be a struggle to get motivated. For some, not even your morning coffee can do the trick to get you motivated. So why not try and kick start your week with a few funny Monday jokes? These silly and humourous jokes focus on Monday and can help you start your week with a smile on your dial. While they won’t prevent you from going to work or stop your boss from being a dick, they will provide a few laughs and put you in a better mood when you arrive at your place of employment. Throw a Monday morning joke or two into the conversation and you’ll soon perk everybody up. So fill up your coffee mug, put on your work clothes, read these funny Monday jokes and start your new week in a great mood. 88 Funny Monday Jokes To Kick Start Your Week Funny Monday Jokes

Give your colleagues a laugh by telling them these funny Monday jokes when you get into the office. Some are a little cheesy while others might have you rolling your eyes, but they all provide a bit of fun to get the morale up amongst your peers.

What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.
What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning? Why the long face?
How do you make time go fast on Monday? Throw a clock!
Which day of the week are demons most tired? De-Monday, just like everyone else.
What’s the most depressing sound on Monday? Alarm clocks!
What do hens think about Mondays? Eggshausted.
What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week? Monday morning quarterbacks…
Why was the acid so rude on Monday? He was a-mean-o-acid…
On Monday morning, what did the cashew say? Monday always drives me nuts!
In the example given, Johnny would buy seventeen donuts each Monday, and he would eat twelve each Wednesday. What would Johnny have at the end of the year? Diabetes.
Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday? He was a Mondaylorian
M&M was excited to start school on Monday for what reason? He wanted to be a Smartie!
When Mondays are free of Zoom meetings, what do you call them? Meetless Mondays.
Why was the root vegetable in a good mood on Monday? It was an up-beet.
On Monday mornings, what does the executioner say? Work is calling. Time to beheaded.
Is there anything Sonic needs on Mondays? Hedge-hugs.
What did the cashew say on Monday? Mondays drive me nuts
What’s the saddest part of the week? Monday mourning…
Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday? He was a little rusty!
What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning? Eye don’t want to get up!
How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings? Have a Gouda week!
What did Monday have to say to Friday? Between you and me, today is a good day to hump.
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Monday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday? He wasn’t feline well.
What do kids do on Mondays during vacation? The same thing they do every other day!
Why did the skeleton do a poor job in school on Monday? His heart wasn’t in it!
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at Monday jokes? He didn’t find them humerus.
Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday? They got all of the trick questions right!
Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays? For encourage-mint.
When does Monday come before Sunday? In the dictionary!
Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the beginning of the week? He had been Monday laundering!
On what day do ghosts do their howling? Moan-day!
Is there anyone who is always eager to start a new work week in a galaxy far, far away? The Mondaylorians.
Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday? He was feeling rotten!
During the school year, what’s the number one thing kids wish for on Sunday night? A foot of snow by morning.
Why was the pirate excited for school on Monday? He had arrrrt class!
What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday? Hiss-tory!
Why was the broom late for school on Monday? He over-swept!
Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday? He was the school spirit!
What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday, and helps a farmer on the weekend? A farmassistant!
Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights? Because it’s RAW!
What’s the worst thing after Friday the 13th? Monday the 16th.
What did the elf learn at school on Monday this week? The elf-abet!
Did you hear about the African who loved Monday mornings? He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
What happened to the witches who broke the school rules on Monday? They got ex-spelled!
Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weeknd on a Monday? She wished The Weeknd was longer.
What’s the best advice for getting through the start of the work week? Just take it Mon-day at a time!
Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job? After 24 weeks, they have a case of the Mondays!
What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket? Moon-day!
Did you hear about the lady with chronic laryngitis who always wished everyone a Happy Monday? She did it weakly!
What day of the week makes werewolves howl? Moon-day.
How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning? He ate him on Sunday night.
On Monday I turned up to a zoo. I was expecting it to be good fun, But there was nothing but a singular dog. It was a shit-zu Funny Monday Remarks

These great Monday jokes are quick one-liners or funny remarks about the start of the week that will give you a chuckle. Some are puns, others reference famous movies, while some are just plain silly. 54. Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week. 55. Tuesday is my favorite day of the week because it is the furthest away from next Monday that I can be. 56. A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday. 57. One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours. The same as one Monday on Earth. 58. In honor of bread week, I’ve decided to dress as a different type of bread each day. Roll on Monday. 59. Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins? Sunday. Monday is a weekday. Geddit? “Weak” day? 60. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked, Monday. The weekend goes by way too fast! 61. Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby? 62. If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. 63. A day like Monday isn’t all that bad, just 48 hours ago it was a sadder-day! 64. Darth Vader’s favorite way to have his Monday morning coffee has to be on the dark side. 65. On the bright side, Mondays only come around once a week. 66. Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby? 67. On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. It runs until Friday. 68. Valentine’s Day is on Monday Funerals usually take place on Saturday and Sunday. After the burial, the flowers will still be fresh. What you do with this information is up to you. 69. If every day is a gift, I’d like to know who I can give Monday to. 70. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week! 71. Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link. 72. I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be. On Tuesday you can relax a little knowing Monday is far, far away. 73. My wife’s panties are labeled “Monday,” “Tuesday,” “Wednesday” etc. My underwear is labeled “January,” “February,” “March” etc. 74. If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise. We never, ever smile on Mondays. 75. It’s called the Monday syndrome. It’s only Tuesday that you realize you have a preexisting condition. 76. If Monday ever showed its face, I would punch it. 77. Monday morning… rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. 78. I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three-day weekend and Mondays won’t seem so bad! 79. Good Friday is the day Jesus died. Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead. And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud. 80. The only thing scarier than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day. 81. God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend. Funny Monday Knock Knock Jokes

How funny are knock knock jokes? Ok, maybe not as hilarious as when you were a kid, but they can still give you a giggle if your sense of humor isn’t completely drained when Monday morning comes around. 82. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Heymon. Heymon who? Heymonday is here already! 83. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Toothy. Toothy who? Toothy the day after Monday. 84. Knock knock. Who’s there? Monday. Go Away! Naughty Monday Jokes

To finish things off, here are a couple of NSFW jokes that you might need to keep on the down low from your boss. 85. Now that I’m married, I have sex almost every night of the week! I almost had it on Monday! I almost had it on Tuesday! I almost had it on Wednesday… 86. Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, I’d like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.” On Monday, the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs.” “17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?” “I used a diagram, your honor. I drew a little circle in a big circle and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.” “That’s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” (to the 2nd boy) “Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs.” “156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that!” “Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I pointed to the small circle and said, “This is your ass hole before prison…”

See more about - 20 Hilarious Office Pranks You Have To Try

What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.
What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning? Why the long face?
How do you make time go fast on Monday? Throw a clock!
Which day of the week are demons most tired? De-Monday, just like everyone else.
What’s the most depressing sound on Monday? Alarm clocks!
What do hens think about Mondays? Eggshausted.
What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week? Monday morning quarterbacks…
Why was the acid so rude on Monday? He was a-mean-o-acid…
On Monday morning, what did the cashew say? Monday always drives me nuts!
In the example given, Johnny would buy seventeen donuts each Monday, and he would eat twelve each Wednesday. What would Johnny have at the end of the year? Diabetes.
Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday? He was a Mondaylorian
M&M was excited to start school on Monday for what reason? He wanted to be a Smartie!
When Mondays are free of Zoom meetings, what do you call them? Meetless Mondays.
Why was the root vegetable in a good mood on Monday? It was an up-beet.
On Monday mornings, what does the executioner say? Work is calling. Time to beheaded.
Is there anything Sonic needs on Mondays? Hedge-hugs.
What did the cashew say on Monday? Mondays drive me nuts
What’s the saddest part of the week? Monday mourning…
Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday? He was a little rusty!
What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning? Eye don’t want to get up!
How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings? Have a Gouda week!
What did Monday have to say to Friday? Between you and me, today is a good day to hump.
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Monday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday? He wasn’t feline well.
What do kids do on Mondays during vacation? The same thing they do every other day!
Why did the skeleton do a poor job in school on Monday? His heart wasn’t in it!
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at Monday jokes? He didn’t find them humerus.
Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday? They got all of the trick questions right!
Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays? For encourage-mint.
When does Monday come before Sunday? In the dictionary!
Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the beginning of the week? He had been Monday laundering!
On what day do ghosts do their howling? Moan-day!
Is there anyone who is always eager to start a new work week in a galaxy far, far away? The Mondaylorians.
Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday? He was feeling rotten!
During the school year, what’s the number one thing kids wish for on Sunday night? A foot of snow by morning.
Why was the pirate excited for school on Monday? He had arrrrt class!
What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday? Hiss-tory!
Why was the broom late for school on Monday? He over-swept!
Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday? He was the school spirit!
What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday, and helps a farmer on the weekend? A farmassistant!
Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights? Because it’s RAW!
What’s the worst thing after Friday the 13th? Monday the 16th.
What did the elf learn at school on Monday this week? The elf-abet!
Did you hear about the African who loved Monday mornings? He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
What happened to the witches who broke the school rules on Monday? They got ex-spelled!
Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weeknd on a Monday? She wished The Weeknd was longer.
What’s the best advice for getting through the start of the work week? Just take it Mon-day at a time!
Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job? After 24 weeks, they have a case of the Mondays!
What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket? Moon-day!
Did you hear about the lady with chronic laryngitis who always wished everyone a Happy Monday? She did it weakly!
What day of the week makes werewolves howl? Moon-day.
How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning? He ate him on Sunday night.
On Monday I turned up to a zoo. I was expecting it to be good fun, But there was nothing but a singular dog. It was a shit-zu Funny Monday Remarks

See more about - 20 Hilarious Office Pranks You Have To Try

These silly and humourous jokes focus on Monday and can help you start your week with a smile on your dial. While they won’t prevent you from going to work or stop your boss from being a dick, they will provide a few laughs and put you in a better mood when you arrive at your place of employment. Throw a Monday morning joke or two into the conversation and you’ll soon perk everybody up.

So fill up your coffee mug, put on your work clothes, read these funny Monday jokes and start your new week in a great mood.

88 Funny Monday Jokes To Kick Start Your Week

Funny Monday Jokes

What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.
What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning? Why the long face?
How do you make time go fast on Monday? Throw a clock!
Which day of the week are demons most tired? De-Monday, just like everyone else.
What’s the most depressing sound on Monday? Alarm clocks!
What do hens think about Mondays? Eggshausted.
What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week? Monday morning quarterbacks…
Why was the acid so rude on Monday? He was a-mean-o-acid…
On Monday morning, what did the cashew say? Monday always drives me nuts!
In the example given, Johnny would buy seventeen donuts each Monday, and he would eat twelve each Wednesday. What would Johnny have at the end of the year? Diabetes.
Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday? He was a Mondaylorian
M&M was excited to start school on Monday for what reason? He wanted to be a Smartie!
When Mondays are free of Zoom meetings, what do you call them? Meetless Mondays.
Why was the root vegetable in a good mood on Monday? It was an up-beet.
On Monday mornings, what does the executioner say? Work is calling. Time to beheaded.
Is there anything Sonic needs on Mondays? Hedge-hugs.
What did the cashew say on Monday? Mondays drive me nuts
What’s the saddest part of the week? Monday mourning…
Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday? He was a little rusty!
What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning? Eye don’t want to get up!
How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings? Have a Gouda week!
What did Monday have to say to Friday? Between you and me, today is a good day to hump.
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Monday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday? He wasn’t feline well.
What do kids do on Mondays during vacation? The same thing they do every other day!
Why did the skeleton do a poor job in school on Monday? His heart wasn’t in it!
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at Monday jokes? He didn’t find them humerus.
Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday? They got all of the trick questions right!
Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays? For encourage-mint.
When does Monday come before Sunday? In the dictionary!
Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the beginning of the week? He had been Monday laundering!
On what day do ghosts do their howling? Moan-day!
Is there anyone who is always eager to start a new work week in a galaxy far, far away? The Mondaylorians.
Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday? He was feeling rotten!
During the school year, what’s the number one thing kids wish for on Sunday night? A foot of snow by morning.
Why was the pirate excited for school on Monday? He had arrrrt class!
What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday? Hiss-tory!
Why was the broom late for school on Monday? He over-swept!
Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday? He was the school spirit!
What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday, and helps a farmer on the weekend? A farmassistant!
Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights? Because it’s RAW!
What’s the worst thing after Friday the 13th? Monday the 16th.
What did the elf learn at school on Monday this week? The elf-abet!
Did you hear about the African who loved Monday mornings? He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
What happened to the witches who broke the school rules on Monday? They got ex-spelled!
Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weeknd on a Monday? She wished The Weeknd was longer.
What’s the best advice for getting through the start of the work week? Just take it Mon-day at a time!
Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job? After 24 weeks, they have a case of the Mondays!
What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket? Moon-day!
Did you hear about the lady with chronic laryngitis who always wished everyone a Happy Monday? She did it weakly!
What day of the week makes werewolves howl? Moon-day.
How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning? He ate him on Sunday night.
On Monday I turned up to a zoo. I was expecting it to be good fun, But there was nothing but a singular dog. It was a shit-zu

Funny Monday Remarks

Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week.
Tuesday is my favorite day of the week because it is the furthest away from next Monday that I can be.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours. The same as one Monday on Earth.
In honor of bread week, I’ve decided to dress as a different type of bread each day. Roll on Monday.
Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins? Sunday. Monday is a weekday. Geddit? “Weak” day?
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked, Monday. The weekend goes by way too fast!
Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby?
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
A day like Monday isn’t all that bad, just 48 hours ago it was a sadder-day!
Darth Vader’s favorite way to have his Monday morning coffee has to be on the dark side.
On the bright side, Mondays only come around once a week.
Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby?
On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. It runs until Friday.
Valentine’s Day is on Monday Funerals usually take place on Saturday and Sunday. After the burial, the flowers will still be fresh. What you do with this information is up to you.
If every day is a gift, I’d like to know who I can give Monday to.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week!
Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link.
I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be. On Tuesday you can relax a little knowing Monday is far, far away.
My wife’s panties are labeled “Monday,” “Tuesday,” “Wednesday” etc. My underwear is labeled “January,” “February,” “March” etc.
If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise. We never, ever smile on Mondays.
It’s called the Monday syndrome. It’s only Tuesday that you realize you have a preexisting condition.
If Monday ever showed its face, I would punch it.
Monday morning… rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story.
I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three-day weekend and Mondays won’t seem so bad!
Good Friday is the day Jesus died. Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead. And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud.
The only thing scarier than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day.
God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.

Funny Monday Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Heymon. Heymon who? Heymonday is here already!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Toothy. Toothy who? Toothy the day after Monday.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Monday. Go Away!

Naughty Monday Jokes

To finish things off, here are a couple of NSFW jokes that you might need to keep on the down low from your boss.

Now that I’m married, I have sex almost every night of the week! I almost had it on Monday! I almost had it on Tuesday! I almost had it on Wednesday…
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, I’d like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

On Monday, the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?” “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs.” “17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?” “I used a diagram, your honor. I drew a little circle in a big circle and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.” “That’s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” (to the 2nd boy) “Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs.” “156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that!” “Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I pointed to the small circle and said, “This is your ass hole before prison…”

See more about - 20 Hilarious Office Pranks You Have To Try

88 Funny Monday Jokes To Kick Start Your Week#

Funny Monday Jokes#

Funny Monday Remarks #

Funny Monday Knock Knock Jokes#

Naughty Monday Jokes#

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88 Funny Monday Jokes To Kick Start Your Week

Funny Monday Jokes

Funny Monday Remarks

Funny Monday Knock Knock Jokes

Naughty Monday Jokes